Family Business by Greg Tuck

Author:Greg Tuck
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: crime, murder, family, police, fraud, prostitution, money laundering, drug smuggling, people smuggling, port douglas
Publisher: Greg Tuck

Chapter 21

“What I need for the coffee is to go to the loo. That was the reason I gave him think time. I was bursting and I know “I should have gone before we left” as my aunt used to say. Be back in a minute,” Sarge said as he quickly exited the canteen and went down the corridor.

Alone with his thoughts sitting in the toilet cubicle, Sarge’s mind began to wander. He began to think that there always was so much more emphasis during your life put by parents and doctors on what comes out of your body than what goes in. He, on the other hand, as he cast his glance at his burgeoning belly, had more interest in food than the results of it. He reflected that when people were first born, the maternity nurses were forever checking whether a baby’s poo was normal. But in reality, he mused, this happened throughout your life whenever you saw a health professional. Though he didn’t really understand why his dentist asked. He would be much happier if the dentist made him say “aaaah” with one of those big wooden icy pole sticks that give you a gag reflex, rather than ask to see a stool sample.

Doctors and the internet asserted that they could forecast your health by looking at your bowel movements. Sarge thought perhaps a speech therapist might say something similar because of people’s potty mouths. Was his dentist telling him something too? Anyway, Sarge supposed that there was a widespread belief by breakfast cereal makers and pill makers that, like Goldilocks, there is always a time when you were just right. Not too runny, not too constipated but “just right”. Frankly Sarge didn’t want to know. It gave him a headache. He then began to worry because he’d read that constipation gives you headaches too.

He remembered one time in hospital when a nurse carried his bedpan away said something like “Who’s been eating carrots then?” He thought carrots had never tasted the same since. He wondered if there was some colour coding system like the litmus paper he had used in chemistry. Yellow could indicate that you were stressed apparently. Red could show you have piles of issues. Black, well, black was just not good news. He pondered whether if you ate enough Smarties then you could really cause chaos at a pathology lab.

And what about gases? People just had to say the word fart and others broke out into paroxysms of laughter. It was a natural bodily function that many men took great pride in and for years women have denied ever doing. Men believed quite aptly in thunderous applause for their efforts, whereas women were known to be silent but deadly.

And the way people used the names for bodily excretions in everyday language left him amazed at why certain ones are used in a certain way. You don’t say “Fart off.” It is always “Piss off”. You call someone “a little shit”, not a little piss or burp.

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